“Ahh, don’t touch me! Your hands are freezing, Coldfinger.”

“What’s that - the Canadian James Bond?”

“Yeah. Along with ‘Dr Sorry’.”

“And ‘Licence to Admonish’. And ‘Octobeaver’.”

And with that, I’m off to Gozo for a week - don’t wait up!

We’ve got a good weather forecast for the weekend, FOR ONCE, and SiC is disappointed. Because he doesn’t want the weather to turn nice here just as we go on holiday. How very sensible.

I bought this fabric on eBay a few months ago and hung it in the window of my office. I love it, even though it does give the illusion that I tell fortunes for a living.

Happy May long weekend, for those of you in the UK!

Well, whoever it is, I’d sure vote for him. Eliminating all diseases is a pretty strong campaign platform.

We had a visit from the Soul Patrol this morning. I was out in the yard, so I missed my chance to smirk condescendingly while politely closing the door in their faces. I always wish I’d taken the chance to poke a little fun, but I suppose that’s mean-spirited of me - the Jehovah’s Witnesses have enough stress in their lives already, believing as they do that a single wrong step will land them in the flames of hell for all eternity. That’s heavy, man. I’m always puzzled at this level of credulity. What can make a normal, reasonably educated person in today’s society believe that one of these days Jesus is going to float down out of the clouds and make global warming disappear with a wave of his hand? I couldn’t make myself believe that if I tried. I guess that’s what separates the saves from the damned. That, and a strict dress code. Hurry, everyone! There’s a sale at Eddie Bauer!

SiC has just arrived home with his friend TB to play a few games of pretend football.  They are insanely into Playstation’s Pro Evolution Soccer, and talk about their games as though they are real games of football played by real teams.  Which is why I call it ‘pretend football’.  To give them a dose of reality.  Both of them have now started referring to the game as ‘pretend football’, although they don’t seem to take it any less seriously. 

I can now look forward to at least two solid hours of bellowing loud enough to make the walls vibrate.  The lads do enjoy a bit of screaming along with their pretend football.  Did I mention they take this game awfully seriously?  Because they do.  Game controllers have been thrown in the past, as have numerous tantrums.  PRETEND FOOTBALL IS IMPORTANT, or so I’m told.  I’ll probably go down in a minute and move all the breakables to a safe location. 

As for me, in preparation for my holiday, I have recently bought a bathing suit and a sun hat, two items I haven’t knowingly purchased or worn for over fifteen years.  Bathing suit shopping is just as awful as I remember it – I just bought the first thing I tried on.  My sun hat, however, has built-in water-activated cooling crystals and odourless bug repellent.  I know I’m spending a week in a villa next to the Mediterranean, not trekking across the Sahara, but it was only seventeen quid and actually it’s quite cute. 

SiC also brought home a gift for me today – he spent yesterday and last night in Wales for work, and there’s an antique shop across the street from the office that he can’t even step inside without fifty pounds leaping of their own accord out of his wallet.  I think he bought the gift as an afterthought after buying half a dozen records for himself.  Anyway, it’s a picture of some goats.  (For the girl who has everything!)  It’s a framed 18^th century woodcut print illustrating different breeds of goat – really gorgeous actually.  And who doesn’t love goats?  I ask you.  We’re getting the rustic farm cottage mojo working big time now, for sure. 

I’ve been working on putting together a pool of stock photos and graphics, and learning that producing vector designs with the effects I want is HARD, goddammit. I’m much better with pixel-based graphics, so I’ve been combining both.